This is Me
by rosebud1000
Summary: Remus Lupin. Someday, someone is going to try to fall in love with you. And don't you dare be an idiot when that happens. Rated T to be safe.


She's shorter than I expected. Long, light brown hair trails down to her waist, framing her heart-shaped face. The only thing she ever changes, I realise, is her height, her hair, and her eyes. Oh Merlin, her eyes. They look like they've been made from pure gold. Glimmering in the abandoned light of our wands, they really are gorgeous. The remnants of new tears trail down from them, but despite this, she looks happy. She has her eyebrows raised in question; she wants to know what I think. And, well, I don't know what to think.

I told her I could never fall in love with someone if I never find out what they truly look like. I was hoping to make her break, make her give up. Andromeda says she hates stripping away all disguise. But the next chance she got, right after Dumbledore's funeral, she pulled me away from the rest. And now we're in an alleyway in Hogsmeade, the only light coming from our wands, and her standing there and looking beautiful. Merlin, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"This is me," she said, arms spread out. "I promise. No powers. Just me."

She smiles, and I swear, the light from our wands just got brighter.

"I haven't cut this in years," she laughs, twisting a finger around a brown lock. "I can just…" She squeezes her eyes shut, and her hair retreats to her shoulders.

"I like it better long," I say, before I can stop myself. No, no, no. This was not the plan. The plan was to not say anything until I absolutely had to. Honestly, though. Who am I to complain about things not going to plan? I was one of the best friends of James-bloody-Potter. Nothing ever goes to plan.

But she's relaxed again, and the hair is back down to her waist, and I have to admit, just this once, that yes, I think she is beautiful. She hugs me, and I wish I could hug her back. There's a time when I would have. A time I would have thought it a friendly greeting, would never imagine it turning into this.

She looks up at me, golden brown eyes more hopeful than I could ever feel. Standing on her tiptoes, she kisses me. It's only for a few seconds, warm lips against mine, and in one of those seconds, I almost give in. But I keep my lips firmly shut, uninviting. She pulls away, glaring at me. But I don't want those amazing eyes narrowed at me underneath furrowed brows. I want them to be smiling at me again, laughing.

"You liked that," she tells me. I don't respond.

"I'm trying to fall in love with you, Remus Lupin, and you're being an idiot." And with that, she turned to walk out of the alley, taking with her half our light.

* * *

" _Hey," James complains, pulling himself away from Lily. They're on the couch, across from an empty fireplace, snogging. "Who let you in here?"_

" _You gave us the password," I remind him, sitting down on an armchair. Now that exams are over, Gryffindor room is always crowded, so James and Lily agreed that their dorm was a reasonable place to talk. "It's so nice outside, you should come. There's a bunch of second years on the Quidditch pitch, it's pretty funny. What have you been doing in here?" I pause. "On second thought, I'm not sure I want to know."_

" _Falling in love," says James. He kisses Lily on the forehead, who rolls her eyes. "You should try it some time."_

" _And when she finds out I'm a werewolf?"_

" _If she breaks up with you then, there's something wrong with her," declares Sirius, settling into the armchair across from mine._

" _Where's Peter?" I ask, partly to find out where he is, and partly to change the subject._

" _He went down to the kitchens. And don't try to change the subject, Moony."_

" _About what?"_

" _Your love life."_

" _Non existent."_

" _That can be changed," says James._

" _How?"_

" _Two weeks left of Hogwarts, two weeks to get the girls."_

 _I look over to Lily for help, but she just shrugs. Once James and Sirius get started on this, you just have to let it fizzle out itself._

" _None of the girls like me, anyway."_

 _Lily snorts, then starts laughing._

" _Why?" I ask. "What's so funny?"_

" _You actually think that?" she chokes out. "Merlin, Remus. Most of the girls in our year - Gryffindor, at least - liked you at some point, if only first year."_

 _Sirius and James burst out in laughter. I gape at her, appalled. "Even you?"_

" _That was first year," she says, blushing._

" _But you're mine now," James amends, wrapping his arms around her._

" _Yes, Potter. I am," she says, sounding annoyed, but the expression on her face says that she really doesn't mind it much._

 _Peter enters, holding muffins. He sets them on the table and sits on the floor, the only open space left. Well, that's not technically true. James and Lily are only taking up one of the couch cushions, but no one in their right mind is going to sit next to them._

 _We stay in their dorm until lunch, laughing and talking, the subject never returning to girls (thankfully). As we clamber out of the portrait, Lily stops short, says something to James, untwines their fingers, and walks back to me._

" _Remus Lupin. Someday, someone is going to try to fall in love with you. And don't you dare be an idiot when that happens." And the look she gives me makes it clear that if I am an idiot when that happens, then I better be very, very, scared._

* * *

"Wait," I say. She stops walking, but doesn't turn around. "Come back." She turns around this time, and there is doubt flooding her features. "I don't want to be an idiot." I clear the space between us as quickly as I can. Without even thinking twice, I kiss her. But there's something wrong. She doesn't kiss me back. I pull away, and she's still looking as doubtful as ever.

"You liked that," I tell her. Her lips twitch, threatening a smile.

"I did," she admits with a sigh. "But you know what I'd like even better?"

"No…"

"This." She throws her arms around me and kisses me. And this time I do kiss her back, and Merlin, I will never forget this. Why was I ever scared of this? Because now, I feel like maybe, just maybe, this could work, and that maybe, just maybe, I might deserve this. And falling in love has hurt so many people before me, and not everyone gets their happily ever after, but maybe, just maybe, heartbreak will be worth all the moments I get to spend with her. I just really hope that I never have to find out.


End file.
